Oh, you guys are in for a treat. Normally, I get obnoxious drunk guys pretending to be all macho and tuff. Tonight was a more calm, subtle phone conversation between a frat bro and his girlfriend. And so it goes…enjoy:
You are beautiful, amazing, and remarkable and I love you. You know that?
—no, I don’t want to grow up? Wait are you drunk? I’m trying to tell you I love you. Babe, I don’t want to lose your respect and trust—Babyyyy—Maybe
—I don’t want a mistress. You can’t tell me to change the way I am. —Babe, just…I’d rather only have you—not some mistress.
You mean so much—you’re so beautiful—That’s what I just said!—But I don’t want a mistress. —Do you want a MISTER? Is that what this is coming to? —Because I’m a guy? You just said the same thing—Because you’re a girl it makes it okay?
I want you to tell me what you want so I can change.
Just—I want to do every single thing that you want to do because it’s your time to choose what you want to do.
—This is our last weekend together babe and I want it to last forever and ever and ever.
I care about what you want. I want what you want.
—Yes, I know. But you are more drunk than I am.
—Okay, I love you too.